Sunday: October is always busy. It’s the month en-between the boys’ birthdays and I have always loved fall and taking them to pumpkin patches and any other Fall festivity I can find. I am still constantly on the move. This morning we got up and I went outside to mow. Something I am not used to doing but something I actually enjoy. Something that always makes me think of Daniel. We have a push mower, not self-propelled I might add, but I put my headphones in and have gotten into the groove. What I do not enjoy quite as much as mowing is the damn weed eater that only starts about 50% of the time for me. When I first started mowing and taking care of the yard the weed eater used to make me cry in frustration as I felt this was something I should not have to be dealing with anyway. How dare something try to tell me I can't do it. Now, I just say fuck it and let the sides grow.
After mowing this morning, I spent 30 minutes fighting with the weed eater which never even started. Reed has been sick for almost a week with a crazy "fever" virus, puffy eyes and a faucet nose. There was a memorial game in Daniel’s honor today at UNCC. We showed up an hour late, because I thought it started at 1. It started at 12:00. I felt like an asshole. The boys had a birthday party so we were leaving the game early and I went to the wrong farm. Couldn’t get ahold of the mom to determine where we were supposed to be. Wrong farm? I can't even get my kids to the right birthday party. Reed shit it the tub when we got home. While bleaching the bathtub toys I burned the rice to the point that the pan is a total loss. Lucas said to me while sitting at the dinner table with his cold bowl of cereal, "Mom I'm really upset you didn't take me to Brinley's birthday party." I replied “I'm really sorry.” He said, “sometimes sorry isn't good enough.” (wonder where he’s heard that before?)
This is one of those days when you just pack it in, go to bed and start over tomorrow.
Monday: Six Month Anniversary. I’m not real big on anniversaries because really every day is still impossible. It didn’t really strike me as any different. I shed a few tears but not really because it’s been six months but because I am missing my partner. The boys and I are doing so many fun things right now and he’s missing it all. He would have gotten us to the right birthday party and he would have calmed down and kept me sane. We are missing our family member.
Tuesday: Boom. I hit my sister’s car this morning. It was sitting in my driveway. Somehow I’ve got to slow down and get myself together. This week continues to be a struggle. Maybe I am shaken up by the time period.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.