It’s hard to believe almost 18 months have passed since we lost the cornerstone of our family. In that time Daniel has become unrecognizable to Reed. Lucas becomes more and more like him with each passing day. Each of our sons have cried, become angry, thrown things, laughed at my stories, tried to remember and embrace their dad and asked me countless time why we cannot join him in heaven.
Communication is not one of my strengths. Never has been. I’m more of a listener and a problem solver but not much of a sharer. I drove Daniel crazy any time I withdrew when I became upset. When I held my emotions in check. When I struggled to cry in front of others. I have always been rather private and had difficulty sharing my feelings. "Why in the hell am I sharing my feelings through a blog then?" you must be wondering.
However, this process didn't begin with the intention of production of a blog. This process began with me having all of these horrendous and crazy emotions and not knowing what the hell to do with them. It began with loneliness, with thoughts of not wanting to continue in this world without Daniel. It began with wanting people to remember him. How could I do that though? How could I help myself and others through this monstrosity of pain and suffering? I joined a few widows groups. They helped some. I tried to talk with my supportive family members and friends but they all looked at me, well, like my husband had just died. They didn’t know what to do with me. Frankly, I didn't know what to with myself. So began my catharsis, my writing process.
I sat down last summer and began writing our story. How we met and fell in love. Out struggles, trials and tribulations, what made each of us “us.” When Daniel was diagnosed he talked about writing a book about kicking Mesothelioma's ass. At this point we all know that didn’t happen but what did happen was we both journaled. He vlogged (video blogged). I wrote during our chemotherapy sessions. I wrote when he was down. I wrote when I was at the end of my rope. I wrote and wrote. As the summer progressed my journaling became more.
Thanks to the support and encouragement of two amazing people, Ryan Whittington and Beth Hunt, I was able to organize my thoughts and share our story with others. The book has been a year in the making and describes our journey from diagnosis to death. It is the pre cursor to this blog.
To purchase ‘The Unexpected Widow’ visit: www.createspace.com/6219448
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.