I'm back in crazy panic mode. I'm not having time to think about anything. I just keep going going going. It's the first of December and we've taken a train ride, seen the polar express, met Santa in three different places, been to make gingerbread houses and been to a lights show. I really don't stop moving. The boys are wild with excitement. Lucas said to me the other day “Santa sure is everywhere.” I have loved every minute of it. It has given me a chance to just keep going and not stop, sit and think. To live through Lucas and Reed’s joy and not get bogged down by the sorrow I feel.
I find that I physically and emotionally can not stop moving. I cannot shut down. I must move until I lay down and am so exhausted that I fall into a usually fitful sleep for the night. This is what I must do. This is what works for me. If you prefer the opposite, do it. Do what feels good to you. I know the pain is unbearable. I know most people have moved on. Their pain is gone. Yours in not. Do whatever you need to do to get through the day. And ignore judgments. If you need to tell someone to go to hell because they are staring at you or telling you what you should be doing or feeling. Do it. And don't feel bad about it.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.