I’m curled up in the corner of my couch. Earbuds in my ears, music turned up loud mentally reviewing the past few weeks. Celebrating the successes. Worrying about the failures. Stressing with self-doubt. Doubting some of my choices. Doubting if I’m enough. Preparing for change. Telling myself to let go. Encouraging myself to not be so judgmental; not of others but of myself. To stop self-doubting and over thinking. Just be.
What a simple demand, but yet so difficult for me personally. I have come across this one word a lot lately in conversation. In what I’ve been reading. On people’s social media accounts and even in a course I’m currently tackling. Today I was reminded to use this very word myself when a man walked up to me and stated very directly, “I met your husband this week. He was so nice.” I was simply stupefied for a moment before stating my husband was deceased. The stupefied expression quickly transferred from my face to his. A stammer of apology followed and an explanation of whom he thought I was. Its fine I assured him. A statement that I often use without even thinking about it. How many of us say we aren’t “fine” when asked?
We are all one in the same. None of us set out to offend others. No one sets out to ruin people’s days. No one sets out to fail as parents. To fail in our marriages or with our partners. To make choices that may look differently that very next day or even a week later. To slack at work. To be a crappy friend. To let our family members down. I don’t believe any of us wake up each morning and say, “Yes, today my goal is to fail. Today my goal is to make someone else feel bad. Actually, I just want to disappoint myself.” No, none of us do that but we are all plagued by these feelings.
I’ve been feeling a little down. I’ve been working on several things lately that just don’t seem to be coming together as smoothly as I hoped. I have no one to blame but myself. The big part of that though is why lay blame at all? How about cutting yourself some slack? Letting go. So easy to type yet so difficult for me to feel and do. So, here I am curled in the corner of this couch and am thinking about this word that keeps gracing my presence. I have cycled through my usual “writing” songs through my earbuds and this word just keeps hanging out there waiting for me to reach out, acknowledge and grab it.
Definitions from Merriam-Webster:
· unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
· a virtue coming from God
· approval, favor stayed in his good graces
· mercy, pardon
· a special favor
· disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
· a temporary exemption : reprieve
Per usual, Webster has given us an abundance of definitions for this one word, and honestly I didn’t even include statutes 3-8 as I felt one and two were plenty. I know that other people have shown me personally as well as my family an abundance of Grace over the past two years. I am so very grateful. I look at this word and really try to determine what it means. Its fine to list the definition here but different to use it. To live it. I could have easily felt offended today. I assure you it did take my breath away. As he described the man he met I did think you could be describing my husband. You would have enjoyed a conversation with him as well. However, it wasn’t and I said nothing. I tried to provide a little grace to this man that was obviously embarrassed and made an honest mistake.
Showing others kindness even if they don’t deserve it is giving grace. Letting go of those idiosyncrasies that your spouse engages in that drives you absolutely crazy. Having a little extra patience with your children even when they are talking back or throwing tantrums. Having a little extra patience with your aging parents. Assisting your co-worker, even though you feel that they don’t pull their own weight. Reaching out to others. Being present. Offering forgiveness and forgiving others.
Now I would gently say, provide some to you. Show and give to others but also provide a little grace to yourself now and again. Give yourself a break. Recognize that it’s ok to doubt. It’s ok to get bogged down but know that you are worth it. That you are more than you even realize. That these feelings are temporary. And that this too will pass.
Thank you for providing us with Grace. And showing us the meaning behind it.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.