“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” –Maya Angelou
Right after Daniel died I was inundated with people describing his attributes at work, memories of growing up with him, his athleticism and competitive spirit on the ball field, activities he engaged in and who he was as a man. Funny anecdotes were often favorites, prank calls he made to others, practical jokes he often played, witty statements thrown quickly, dry humor in the office and at home. Others described him as patient and kind and giving as well as a whole slew of other adjectives. Daniel made others FEEL. He made you laugh and feel good about yourself, and he could laugh at himself as well. When you called with a pesky computer problem he was patient and kind, he made you FEEL comfortable, instead of telling you what an idiot you were. (He shared those thoughts with me later.)
Daniel made me FEEL that it was OK that I was a strong woman. He appreciated my strength and challenging nature. It was OK to be exactly who I was and am. He made me FEEL that I was beautiful and made me FEEL loved unconditionally. He made me FEEL that way every day as he put me first in our life. I know that he made many others FEEL each day he interacted with them as well. I hope those feelings stay with you as you remember and think of him. I can only hope as time goes on that I returned enough of those feelings to him; that I made him FEEL loved, appreciated, understood and that I recognized and told him what an exceptional man he was. I hope that he knows he was my world and I hope that was enough.
It's been a difficult few weeks for us for a variety of reasons. We are on summer break at our house, which changes our schedules around. Change is always difficult. We are juggling many upcoming variations to our schedules and schools and I am putting everything I have toward managing these two amazing little boys who are growing up so fast, and are mature beyond their years. The realities of our broken family slam all three of us each day.
"Daddy is not here. He is heaven," Lucas states tonight about one of his LEGO characters to another. I sit quietly in the background and listen to the dialogue from his ever growing imagination that often focuses on dads and that they are not coming back.
I have been back to crying and feeling overwhelmed lately. I have been doing more yelling as the frustrations take over. Lucas has been in a funk. We are swirling the drain again and feeling a little lost. I think of Daniel a thousand times a day, as I know Lucas and Reed do as well. We all continue this uphill battle with our grief.
My new pick-me-up is posted below in the youtube video. Everyone needs things to motivate them. Everyone needs things in their life and people who make them feel good. I have learned to surround myself with people that support and uplift me instead of those that bring me down. Surround myself with activities and events that lift me up.
I have said previously, music is one of those things for me. As you read my blog posts I hope that you find something to hold onto with each post. You don’t have to be a widow to relate or gain something here. You just need to be human. I recognize we all have struggles, some smaller or larger than others, but we are all striving to reach similar goals of happiness and good health in this thing we call life. When you need a pick-me-up or a push to reach any kind of goal; when you are feeling like life is beating you down; try this song and keep your head up. Goals are obtainable. Nothing is outside of your reach if you want it badly enough and know we are all battling something.
Rise Up. Keep the Faith and Rise Up.
I will continue to share our story, Daniel. I will not let others forget you. You told me before you died, "Thank you for helping me become the man I am today." Ditto to you my love.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.