I have begun to believe that stupid questions beget stupid answers. The "How are you question?" It's a ridiculous question to anyone dealing with any kind of loss. Do you really want an answer or are you simply asking to be nice. If that's the case, a polite nod will do, Don't speak.
Someone asked me yesterday what I was going to do on Christmas Day. I feel the same way about that question as I do about the Thanksgiving question. Really what kind of question is that? What are you seeking? Am I going to swallow a bottle of pills? Boycott the Holiday? Stay in bed and sleep all day? Get drunk? Some people do change their plans but for me I don't think changing the venue would change my feelings. Right now I do honestly feel a little crazy, a little manic. Which is probably the furthest from my levelheadedness that I could be. I feel frantic to get things done for the children and make sure Christmas is the best it can be. I feel tired. I feel excited as the boys wake up every morning and frantically search for "Mick" their elf on the shelf and check their advent calendar. The energy in this house is frenetic and contagious. We are all running on adrenaline. I feel sad. I feel the intense loss that I felt back in April. I am crying at night again. Crying in the car. Crying at work. I feel worried for the boys. Worried for myself and I'm worried for Daniel. I know Christmas Day will be sad. I'm not on a ledge. I'm not going to drink myself stupid or stay in bed and cry. We will open our new toys and we will cherish the three of us being together, all the while managing the hole in our hearts.
Before you ask questions such as "How are you? Are you feeling ok? Are you going to be alright?" Think of the most important person in your life and remove them. How would you feel?
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.