So I suppose I made it through the first year. "They say that's the toughest part." Well, who's they and do they know what the hell they are talking about? Are they experts on grief or is this saying based off of probabilities? Can we measure our grief in probabilities and responses given in simple questionnaires? Is that how we measure the loss of a loved one?
I have always been a person who pushes back. I like to tow the line and push boundaries. I like to make people question their actions. I want to know WHY! Do we do things because it feels right and is good for us or because that's what we are expected and supposed to do?
I admit that in some respect it all makes sense. The first birthday, first anniversary, the holidays are all difficult. I do hope that the "seconds" are easier than the "firsts". The part I struggle with is that in talking to other widows sometimes the second year is the hardest. Sometimes the holidays and anniversaries don't get easier. What happens as your children get older? What happens when your children leave your home? What if you decide to blend your family? When they say the first year is the hardest, I must ask how do they know?
I know that life has changed and the normals are no longer normal. I know what society says I should be doing and how I should be feeling. My question is, why do we believe the first 12 months is the harder than the rest? Who is making these blanket statements?
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.