This is a hard post and something I have debated sharing. The first time this happened it felt like someone punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind right out of me. Somewhat fitting since I have felt like hitting quite a few people throughout this process. Obviously, I have not acted on those feelings but they are still valid feelings that I have. Your emotions tend to stay heightened throughout your grief journey.
As I was getting Lucas’s coat on him this morning he asked me what color his eyes were. I have no idea where this came from, but I stated that they were blue like Daddy’s. He said in a very matter of fact voice, "I wish you were in heaven and daddy was still here.” This is the second time he has said this since April. It didn’t hurt quite as bad this time as the first. And the realistic part of me knows that this is only the beginning. I will hear this several more times throughout our life as he gets in trouble, is grounded, I don’t allow him to go a friends’ house, I don’t throw the ball as well his dad, and so on. The truth hurts. The loss so severe and significant for him. He is hurting right now and I know if the shoe were reversed he would have said the same thing about me. Kids should have both of their parents.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.