As we get closer to the day I become more and more sad. Last night I lost it. Lucas dropped his bowl of spaghetti on the floor. Spaghetti of all things. It's comical today but last night I was livid. Looking back it wasn't a big deal but I screamed. He cried. It wasn't just on the floor, it was on the chair, the walls and covering the floor.
When I calmed down and he calmed down I sat down held him and cried. I said I'm very sorry for yelling at you. Mommy shouldn't have done that and he looked at me and said I'm very sorry for dropping my spaghetti.
Getting up each day is still hard. Answering the impossible questions from your children is still hard. My main goal is to try to create a positive holiday season for all of us, but remember you are human and we can't all be perfect parents at all times. We all make mistakes. This is not the first time I have yelled and won't be the last. What I try to learn is to breathe and compartmentalize. The boys cannot catch all my stress. I must deal with the grief separately from them and its a truly difficult battle.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.