This is me. Tape this to my back. Hell, wrap me in yellow caution tape as well just so no one is confused. I am a constant work in progress; spiritually, physically, mentally. Always striving to obtain a balance between motherhood, being a single parent, being a good therapist, a believer, a contributor, a motivator, a leader, and simply being a decent person. Emotions quickly come and go and become responsible for our moods and actions towards ourselves and others. Are we responsible for our actions and moods or is it others?
I used to want to blame others; it’s easier that way, not to take responsibility for ourselves. I want to blame those around me for making me angry, guilty, jealous, happy or sad, left out and not included, inferior, but I am in charge of me. I am angry my husband is dead. I am frustrated by people whom I find selfish, rude or disrespectful. I struggle to balance the mental energy I put into my job and the kids I work with every day. I feel guilty that I do not have the energy for my own kids some nights but I have given it to others. I am saddened that my four year old asked me if I made his daddy sick. I am hurt that my two year old is confused and stated at the dinner table that his daddy doesn’t live here anymore. I am a swirling mass of emotions.
But what’s the flipside? What are the options here? The flip side is that those selfish and rude people help me assess myself and decide for myself that I will be different. I will not make others feel small. I will be accepting. I will put others first. I will make a conscious effort to be a giver and to be a motivator for others. I will be patient and treat others with gratitude and respect and see no differences in any of us, accepting everyone. I will continue to do my job every day and give myself to others because I feel good. I am not inferior. I am contributing. I will try to make this world a better place for my kids and I will provide hope and guidance to those that have none other than what I can provide.
It’s a fight to find that balance as the pendulum swings in different ways throughout your day, your week. But who is in charge? You are in charge. Sometimes we need to forgive. We need to forget. We need to be patient with others. We need to be accepting of each others flaws. We need to look at the bigger picture. By holding out and being stubborn, who are we helping? What are we proving? I create my days. I am in charge. I am a work in progress but I will persevere. I am looking out of my front window right now. I don’t see rainclouds. I see the potential for rainbows.
Meet the Author (me)
Driven by a need to help others. I have known from a young age that this is what I wanted to do. This is my very real, somewhat sarcastic, look into my newfound widowhood. I hope this site will help you as much as it helps me.